Being "Mallu" in a "Non-Mallu" land!

I am one of those humongous number of  insanely crazy yet adorable  "Mallu" born and trying to survive  in a "non-Mallu" land (anywhere other than Kerala).

Though we are striving hard to be a better breed , here's an insight -

We do get offended at times when called 'Mallu' or 'Mellu' , we  would be preferred to be addressed as a 'Malayali'  as we speak Malyalam or a 'Keralite' as we hail from the state of Kerala.
But we are definitely  thankful to the ones who don't identify us as  'Madrasi' :P

Most of us don't have a last name, barring a few - the 'Menon' 'Nair' or 'Pillai' . But having succumbed to the necessity of a last name in the Non-Mallu land, some of us  are compelled to add  initials or add the location (place name) of their ancestral homes or the traditional occupational clans they originated from as their last names.
Beware these names turn to be pretty majestic!!! Dont believe! Try pronouncing 'Ezhuttachchan' [ Don't worry if you are not a Mallu, you are definitely gonna get it wrong!]
Unfortunately for me , I do not have a last name and I have always been at the mercy of  a world that doesn't seem to understand! :/

Mallus tend to name their kids in a rhyming manner, no matter whether the names make sense or not. Sample this: 'viji', 'liji' , 'siji' or 'lijo' , 'sijo', 'jijo'.
So either be the first-born to gain some leniency coz if you are the third born probably your name would sound retard! :P
Thankfully my parents planned to have a single piece like me - anything rhyming with 'Rino' would have been even more ridiculous!  Though I would have loved to have someone share my apathy. ;)

We have highly conservative parents. Dont believe? Try attending a Malayali congregation or a wedding in a short tight dress, you are bound to be treated like you just landed from Mars. :/
"You may now kiss the bride!" is a norm that is never happening in Kerala anytime soon! :P

Every Mallu parent owns a gold reserve that gets paraded at the weddings , but believe me we make sure the reserves exhaust soon after the wedding. ;)
Yes I'm broke too not matter what my wedding pictures suggest! :P

Our affinity for coconuts are not  just limited to the food, coz  they get added in famous dialogues like "I should have planted a coconut tree instead... "  used by every Mallu parent when we fail their expectations. :P

Onam is not our 'new-year' , but if you see some of us perched like monkeys on the "golden shower tree" (Cassia fistula) in the month of April trying to gather the yellow flowers, then its our new year. :)

We take immense pride in being the most 'bevda' (drunk) state in the country with the highest literacy rate ( More for the former than the latter!)

Yes we do have someone or the other in the middle-east or rather 'the Gelf' .  You see we make them function! :P And why should you complain we add to the GDP of the country! ;)

We contribute to most of the famous 'Mundu'  (lungi) jokes but no one  can  truly rock it like a Mallu can! ;) And the world is  in love with the Kerala 'Kasavu' sarees . Yes the white - golden saree every lady today vies for! :)

Believe me there are other food we eat other than 'idli' and 'dosha' ( that's how it should be pronounced). And they are far more delicious than you can imagine! :)

We are made to master the most complex language in the world , a language that's 'unspeakable' and 'incomprehensible' even  to our southern counterparts , but our relatives back in Kerala still feel we speak improper Malayalam! :/

We challenge  you to try your hand at learning our tongue with or without the "accent" but we can pick up any dialect, diction or accent with extreme ease! :)

We  have an opinion , a view about anything and everything under the sun! Though we know we should shut up at times but the Mallu "all-knowing" attitude in us  makes it rather difficult! :P

You are definetly  bound to have  atleast one Mallu colleague, classmate , neighbour , friend or  an acquintance no matter in which part of the globe you are . Yes we are that omnipresent! :P
We can adapt ,survive  and flourish anywhere and everywhere in the world. :)

But if you still haven't had a Mallu encounter - you have missed so much in life! :P
Because you don't meet a "Mallu", we happen to you! :)

Disclaimar:  I'm extremely proud of my Mallu origins , so please don't ban me from Kerala; how else will I ever eat beef again! :f